This is how I see it. My whole life is with you. You’re the only person I see every day. You’re the only person I spend time with. You’re the only person that I know everything about. You’re the only person who has really influenced me. You’re the only person who knows everything about me. You’re the only one who gets me. You are my life.
Then I think about you. You have this whole life with me. But then also, you have this whole other life with someone else on the side. You have this whole other person that means the world to you. You have this whole other side that I don’t even know about. You have this life that I’m not a part of, with someone else.
You have someone else. I don’t.
When I say I love you, I mean that I love you and only you. When you say you love me, I don’t doubt it. But it doesn’t mean the same, when you love someone else just as much as you love me. It just doesn’t. You don’t love me how I love you.
I feel like you own all of me. I feel like I’m yours. But what depresses me, is that you’re not mine.
I can’t get over this. I never have been able to get over this.
I’ve only been able to burry it, hide it, or cover it up. So excuse me for never “showing you that I like you”, but I try not to act that way. I try not to act like I really like you. Ever. I feel so stupid when I do.
It makes me so sad that most likely, you will never be mine. Ever.
I feel led on. I feel like you want me but then you’d rather have her. I feel like you would choose her over me any day. I feel like I’m not good enough. I feel like sometimes I’m almost used. I feel like sometimes you don’t really even like like me in that way. You just like what we do, or something.
I feel like if you were hanging out with her, and then I called you on the phone and I was really upset, you wouldn’t even stop hanging out with her to come keep me company. I feel like you would choose her.
I’ve never felt good enough. I still don’t.
I just wish you would understand how I feel.
I wish you could know how it feels to love someone with your whole heart, and only get half of theirs in return.
I wish you could just feel how much it eats away at you. How much your heart sinks even when you think of it for a brief second. I wish you could just feel the rejection like I do, every time you think, “he is choosing her over you. every day he chooses her over you”.
Oh yeah. Also try loving someone, and having to hide how you feel from the whole world. Trying to act like something doesn’t hurt you when you’re in public with a lot of friends. Having to pretend that everything okay so no one is suspicious. Thats fucking difficult too.
I just wish you could say “I love you” and mean it the same as I do when I say it to you. I wish you loved me and only me.
I’m just beyond over feeling this way. It really is eating away at me.